When it comes to dating, one of the most common complaints nowadays is the amount of games that we play with each other. Almost all of us alter our behaviour in one way or another when in pursuit of a potential partner, doing things that we normally wouldn’t in hopes of attracting this person or gaining some upper hand with them. Whether we want to be chased, shown attention, or just feed our egos; we’re all players in this dating game. Isn’t it ironic that most of us proclaim that we hate playing, yet partake anyway? Why is that?

No stranger to playing these games myself; it’s honestly pretty dumb some of the things I’ve done (and still continue to do despite hating myself for it). Recently, I did the classic post a picture on Instagram when I had someone over to make sure that every other girl I am currently talking to took notice. 2 glasses and a bottle of wine all helped hint that I was spending my time with someone else. What was I hoping to achieve? Well I figured that it may invoke feelings of jealousy, or maybe even get these ladies to worry that I may be slipping out of their grasp by getting closer with someone else. I wanted them to take notice that hey, there’s someone else out there that wants to spend time with me so you better get your act together if you want to as well. Here’s what is absolutely stupid about this… I was more concerned with how other girls MIGHT feel about me, that I wasn’t giving my attention to the person right in front of me. Not only is this disrespectful to them, but it’s a never ending chase of what I don’t have with these other women rather than appreciating what I do have. I also see a lot of people on my Instagram posting these tease pics in an attempt to protect ourselves from looking stupid. If we post this person publicly and it doesn’t end up working with them, then we feel like we may be judged. Instead we settle on hinting this person exists in photos so that we can casually recognize them, but also minimize the potential judgement if they are no longer a part of our lives two weeks later. We’re so scared about the potential opinions of others that we can’t even post a photo including someone else without overthinking it… it’s pretty crazy when you step back and let that sink in. The hard truth is that relationships don’t always work out, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be remembering the memories we created if they made us happy, including the person involved in making that happen. There should be no shame in showing the world that you attempted to love someone else and it didn’t work out.

Speaking of the fear of relationships not working out, is this why almost all of us find it so difficult to share what we’re feeling and thinking with other people? We hide how we’re feeling and take turns chasing each other, hoping that eventually the other person will admit their true feelings and we come out the ‘winner’ of the dating game. What usually ends up happening instead is that both individuals never get over their ego to admit how they feel, so they chase each other for a bit and never actually end up getting into the relationship. We then move on and find someone new to restart the cycle with. I wrote about this in a bit more detail in my last post, but we really need to start ignoring the potential judgement from others, as well as the fear of rejection so that we can start going after things that make us happy. Until all of us stop partaking in these games, we need to stop complaining about a lack of good guys or girls out there since we’re not actually being that good person ourselves.

A lot of us are pretty decent human beings, but the games we’re playing with each other are really preventing any sort of healthy relationship from forming. Instead we just make a blanket statement that people are trash when most of us are just victims of our own trashy behaviour. Let me ask… do you purposely take longer to text someone because you don’t want to seem needy or give off the impression that you are available at any moment? Would you rather this person double text you and follow up so you can have that feeling of being wanted by them? Do you enjoy being chased? These are other examples of horrible dating behaviour that a lot of us practice. Yes, people get busy and sometimes can’t answer a text or call right away so I don’t want to discount that… but the majority of us are on our phones multiple times per day (your average screen time proves it) so the delay is usually just an excuse because you’re playing a game. This is even worse with the people who don’t reply but view your Instagram story because it shows that you’re not a priority to message back right away…apparently creeping Instagram is more important.

Let me end this by asking: why do we accept shitty behaviour from people? Why do we continue to go after individuals who don’t prioritize us, and in doing that, continue to give them access to ourselves when they don’t deserve it? Speaking from experience… I simply have moments where I feel lonely. Whether it’s the fear of ending up alone, or yearning for some sort of interaction (especially during quarantine), I am willing to drop my standards of what I deserve and accept whatever I can get from people. When I’m feeling this low, any sort of reply can be a little spark of hope due to my emotional state. I can admit that I know this individual isn’t deserving of my time or energy due to the way they’ve treated me in the past, but it’s easy to ignore this when you are feeling vulnerable. People don’t miraculously change their behaviour. They’re probably going to continue to be crappy towards you. Unfortunately, it’s easy to make excuses for them in an attempt to fulfill your own emotional needs. Here’s the problem; allowing people to treat you like shit is not actually fulfilling any of your needs. If anything, it’s actually making you feel worse because you are constantly entertaining someone that is using you. There’s a good chance that you’re wasting your time with someone who adds nothing to your life (and maybe even takes away from it) when you could be spending it with someone else who does. Even better, you could be spending it with yourself to build your own happiness. Easier said than done, I know. The harsh reality is that most of us probably need to play these dating games to actually learn that it’s not benefitting us rather than just reading a blog post and learning the same lesson (lol). If there’s anything I can hopefully transfer to you reading this right now though, is don’t let yourself play these games for as long as I have. The quicker you learn to spend your time on things and people that actually improve your life, the happier you’ll be. Trust me.

Also, don’t think I forgot about ghosting… a type of dating game that deserves its own post. Part two coming soon.