You may be asking, where the heck is part one? Well… I wrote it many many years ago here.

I figured it could be good to revisit what I’d want to tell myself if I had the chance to speak to him, just incase what I wrote at 26 didn’t hold up. Surprisingly, a lot of what I said back then is true to this day. Let me recap it for you so you don’t have to read two articles:

• Failing is the best way you’re going to grow
• Heartache will hurt, but it means you had the ability to love
• Losing people in your life will suck, but their impact will mold who you become

It’s funny thinking back to where I was when I wrote this… I had been single for maybe 6 months (and still wasn’t over my ex at the time). I got passed up on getting a job at both Google and Facebook after a combined 15 interviews. I also had stopped talking to a few individuals that I realized were party friends and not people I actually cared to have in my life. As much as I wrote this post for others to learn from what I went through, I think I also wrote this for myself to power through the tough time I was experiencing. The reason I decided to revisit the letter to myself is to add a few things that I’ve learned over the past few years so without further ado, let’s take a look.

Tyrell, stop getting in your own way.

This one is the toughest one to admit, so I’m starting with it first: Sometimes, I am the reason that I don’t succeed. Whether it’s my ego, emotions, or a combination of the two… there’s incidents that I either start or make worse and they don’t end well for me. The worst part is that sometimes I know exactly what the result might be, yet I act anyway.

To give you a recent example, I have been working towards a VP promotion the past two years and felt that I had done enough to achieve this role by the end of 2020 (on top of all the other work that I had done in 5 years of working for FFG). Spoiler alert – I did not get the role, and actually, was given some very negative feedback about my attitude and how I interact with others. Despite achieving some of the biggest milestones of my career, it was not enough to help me convince my CEO and Chairman that I deserved to be promoted to an executive role. The fact is, I have not always been an angel in regards to my attitude towards others in the workplace. This has been something that I’ve been working on for years, and is a big part of why I went to therapy in 2019. While I do believe that I have gotten much better at handling my emotions, and watching how I speak to others, there are still times when my frustrations are apparent (even being remote) and this was enough to convince my bosses that I am not yet ready to handle being a VP.

At first, I was furious. I have dedicated a large part of my life in LA to my career and gave this company a lot of my time and effort throughout the years, especially in 2020. After having some time to cool off and do a lot of thinking about the situation, I realized that while I was mad at the CEO and Chairman for some things, I was also mad at myself. I was upset that I have still not been able to fully overcome my showing my emotions in the workplace and keep a cool head in all situations. My ego didn’t want to admit that I had still not finished the internal work I needed to do to become a better manager and leader, so I looked outward to blame my frustrations rather than accept my own flaws. It’s easy to do this, especially when you feel like you are owed something, but it’s not always justified. Yes, I still do believe that there’s some retribution still owed to me for the grind that I’ve done the past few years, but I have also accepted that I still have some development to accomplish in regards to how I converse with others before I will be truly ready to take on the responsibilities that come with a VP-level title.

In some regard, I think we all get in our own way sometimes. The lesson I can share is easy to write, harder to act on. Instead of trying to look outward and blame others for why you have a problem, sometimes it’s more important to look at yourself first. If you’re going through something that is making you extremely emotional, take some time to cool off and collect your thoughts. After you’ve calmed down, go through the scenario with a rational mind and try to understand the POV of those involved; you may come to realize that you are the problem and not them.

Remember where you came from.

This is a bit of a cliché as many people say this, but I stand by my choice of stating this as a lesson. I don’t necessarily mean it in the sense of remember the town you are from, or the school you went to. I mean, take a look at your life 10 years ago, 5 years ago, hell even 1 year ago. Think about what used to stress you out, or what you used to dream about. Now, take a look at where you are today. Did you achieve what you wanted, or at least are closer to achieving it? Are you doing better in any regard than you were back then? Be appreciative and acknowledge your progress.

Here’s something that personally anchors me when I start to feel overwhelmed with problems going on in my life. If I take a look at where I was 10 years ago… I was just graduating university with $26,000 of student loans + $1,000 of credit card debt with about $160 in my bank account. I spent over 5 months trying to find a job, and had to settle for going to work at Gamestop part-time just so I could bring in some money to pay the bills. It was one of the biggest bruises to my ego that after graduating from the top business school in Canada, I had to go back to working retail where no experience was necessary. On top of that, I was feeling pressure from Cliff & Janis to work full-time and move out of the house to start my adult life. I literally didn’t know how I was going to pay my next bill yet alone try to find a way to move out and pay rent. Could I have ever dreamed that 10 years later, I’d be sitting here and typing from Los Angeles, California in a beautiful apartment with a little fur baby next to me? No chance.

The point I am trying to make is to remember the days that you dreamt about what about you may be doing now. There was once a version of you that was working their ass off and grinding to get where you are now. It’s easy to forget what you went through when you are constantly trying to obtain that next great thing in your life, but taking the time to remember you came from is a subtle reminder that can hopefully allow you to not get so stressed when you are in a tough spot. There was a time in your past that you would have killed to deal with the problems you have now. Granted, not all of us have achieved exactly what we wanted, but if you’re even one step closer than you were in the past, then you’re where you need to be.

Take chances.

Also a bit of a cliché but something I have done a few times now is took a chance in going for something, with mainly a positive outcome. I’m going to ignore mentioning my attempts at taking chances to get rich quick with stocks/crypto in which, I got poor quick. GameStop anybody?

So what do I mean by take chances? Well, anything that you think will benefit you… Life is way too damn short sometimes to be afraid of trying to go after something that you want. Although, I don’t want you to use my words as a justification to go and do something that you know is irresponsible but needed a little encouragement to do it anyway. I’m referring to major decisions in your life that could really change your future – going after the girl you like, going after that dream job, or maybe it’s just quitting your current job and taking that extended trip you’ve thought about for the last 5 years. It’s anything that you think about constantly, and know could change your life path but you haven’t acted on it yet.

The biggest chance I’ve probably taken was uprooting my career and life in Toronto and moving to Los Angeles. While the experience has been a roller coaster of events, it’s been one of the best decisions I have ever made in getting to exactly where I want to be both personally and career-wise. Has it always been easy? No… but that’s what makes it even more worth it. Another chance I took earlier this year was reaching out to “L” who I wrote about in a previous post. It didn’t exactly pay off right away, but I’m thankful that it eventually opened a door of communication between us recently and allowed us to reconnect. I have absolutely no clue where it’ll go or what role she will play in my life but at this point… I’m just thankful that I have a second chance at getting to know her even more. I’m excited at the thought of having her in some capacity in my life, and that the door is even open again after being shut for 6 months.

Just remember, not everything is in your control so don’t get upset if something doesn’t go your way. If life was as easy as getting everything you go for, then we’d all be living out our dreams in a fairy tale. If you go for something and it doesn’t work out the way you expected, be proud that you went for it anyway. Take solace in knowing that you won’t be haunted by the infamous “what if” and reflect on any lessons you may have learned to increase your chances next time.