So I had a mini-breakthrough yesterday after chatting with a friend of mine in the morning… I am constantly seeking external validation. The context of the conversation was actually in regards to my recent dating experiences, but I realized it extended well beyond that. Simply – I am always yearning for recognition by the individuals around me.

He completely caught me off guard when he asked me about what I do for myself vs. what I do for others, and I honestly didn’t have much to say in regards to what I do for me. A lot of my decisions in life have been because I wanted to be accepted by everybody else. I wanted to prove my childhood bullies wrong. I wanted to show my Mother that I could be successful despite having a troubled upbringing. I wanted to show my Nana that I could make a ton of money despite being poor our entire lives. I always have someone else in mind when I act, rather than truly doing something because I want to.

Now don’t get me wrong, we’re social creatures and external validation is normal… but the problem is when you let it dictate your life and remove a balance of doing things for you vs. doing them for others. I realized in my own life yesterday that I had tipped the internal vs. external scale with a lot of my recent decisions and needed to bring it back to balance. I needed to stop looking to others for attention & validation and get it from myself instead.

I don’t have the full answer quite yet as to what that balance looks like, because it’s hard to evaluate when doing something for someone else is right or not. Unless you live in a bubble, most of your decisions will affect others so it can get pretty subjective on what is being done for you and what is being done for them. I just know that I need to start doing more things for me, regardless of what other people may think or whether it will be recognized by them or not.

One of those things is writing… I’ve felt pretty damn motivated this week to keep pouring out my thoughts and experiences while I have the time to do so. It’s not only therapeutic, but it allows me to organize my crowded brain and reflect on my experiences to figure out how to improve myself going forward. So here we are. I’m also hoping it’ll help get back on track for writing that book I’ve mentioned a few times now since I only have about a chapter and a half done in the last 30 days. Wish me luck!

If you’re still reading, let me ask you this: what have you been doing lately that has been for you? What might be draining your time/energy and isn’t really serving your bigger purpose? What could you be doing more of that would make you happy?

I challenge you to take a few minutes and evaluate your personal or business decisions and whether they have been something you truly wanted or whether you were doing them for external approval. You might be surprised what you find.

Also, I’m always here to chat if you want to get into this further.