What a year it has been for friendships… let’s start with the harsh fact that I realized this year: life happens. Well that’s quite a generic statement, what do you mean Tyrell? What I mean is a few things. This year I had two of my closest friends move to other countries where a “short” flight would be lucky to happen in under a day of travelling. These were two guys that I hung out with on a weekly basis, talked to consistently, and shared a lot of growing up with over the last couple of years and then suddenly it all changed. I haven’t seen them since they moved, we didn’t talk on that consistent of a basis, and it was incredibly tough to keep them updated on life in the 6ix or know what they are up to in their endeavours. In light of what seemed like a crappy situation, it really wasn’t that bad given the interconnected world we live in nowadays. I figured that it was time to stop being lazy and making excuses and just put in the effort of connecting over Facebook or WhatsApp in the interim. We still may not talk as much as we used to, but at least we are still somewhat updated on what’s going on in each others lives and we didn’t throw a friendship away over such a trivial thing!

The other event that I have learned a lot from this year was the tragic passing of a friend of mine. This hit me hard for three reasons:

• Someone my age passing away
• A friend passing away
• Seeing the impact on our circle of friends who have known him their whole life

It was a very dark and tough period of time back at the end of summer, as this gentleman was in my condo a few weeks back taking shots with me for a boys night. While I was upset about his sudden and tragic passing, I think I was hurt more by seeing how he affected my group of friends and not being able to do anything about it. This was a group of guys that were outgoing, loved to chirp (but meant well), and just overall good people. The harsh reality was nothing I could do or say would change what happened, and the same went for everybody. It was a horrible feeling, but it taught me many lessons that I will always remember.

The first thing is just to be supportive, but not in an overwhelming manner. There was nothing I could say or do that was going to bring him back, but I could still be there for the rest of the guys who were grieving. I ended up spending the entire long weekend with the group and even though the circumstances may not have been the most positive for being together, at the end of the day we were still together.

The other lesson that I took away from this situation is to appreciate what you have in life at the moment. Anybody can leave this world at any time no matter how young or old you may be. I know this is cliche to say, but it’s made me start to think about if I passed away today – would I be happy with what I’ve accomplished? Would I like the image of myself that I am leaving? What kind of impact have I made? With this in the back of my mind, I look to try and make the best of what I have and to keep positive (although I admit that I am not perfect by any means and it doesn’t always work). In terms of relating this with friendships, it has made me appreciate spending quality time with friends more than anything. It may be due to me getting older, but I really do value the nights where I can just hang out and have good conversation rather than worrying about picking up girls or being the best dressed in a club. I also realize that this may not correlate with maturity, but even the gaming nights where we stay in and have some beers & just play Xbox (or N64!) are more special to me nowadays.

Your friends are your family – this is something I truly believe.

TL;DR

1. Put the effort in; As life goes on, people are going to get busier with their jobs or relationships or even become harder to contact due to a change in location. If the friendship means anything to you, then this is just a small roadblock and the relationship can be maintained with some effort on both ends. Why do you think Facebook was invented?

2. Be supportive through tough times; You can’t always control what happens in a situation, especially if the outcome is final. However, you can control how you react to life’s problems (whether your own or your friends), so be supportive at the very least.

3. Spend quality time with friends; It isn’t all about clubbing, picking up girls, or doing things that don’t allow you to connect with people. Go out for dinner/drinks, play video games, have a movie night, stay in and actually spend time with friends that will allow you to talk without yelling.